Some things in life serve only to induce rage. No matter how small these annoyances may be, they are never insignificant. 'Rant List' is the chronicle of one self-loathing narcissist's seemingly unending pettiness.

Monday, 1 April 2013

91. The phrase "With all due respect"

 ^ Just so we're clear, this is the kind of idiot who says things like "With all due respect".

       Working in an office is weird – I mean besides from the crushing monotony, the never-ending sense that this might be all you do for the rest of your regimented life and the constricting feeling that you’ll forever live to serve the arbitrary qualms of someone else, of course. No, I mean it’s weird in that you start to pick up things about how people behave and speak that you may not have noticed at, say, university. Working in a moderately sized office in an industry infamous for its turnover of people, you’re exposed to a variety of different characteristics and attributes, which eventually lets you start to identify what these mean about individuals (sort of). Moreover, you start to become more acutely aware of the throwaway phrases people use to thoughtlessly pepper their language.

       Except of course that none of these phrases are actually that throwaway and any illusion of thoughtlessness to them is only on a conscious level. Rather, these words or phrases become worrying markers that hide subtle warnings, agendas or hints as to what’s going through someone’s head as they say them. For example;

to be fair
[2 b fair] stalling phrase, prefix or suffix to sentences

      1. Prefix: Phrase employed when speaker hasn't thought through the rest of what they're saying in advance; an attempt to buy precious thinking time: "To be fair, I think One Direction are the voice of this generation."

      2. Suffix: Very rarely used by someone actually being fair, measured or grounded. Rather, employed to dampen the stupidity of previous statement.

to be honest
[2 b honest] seemingly meaningless phrase, prefix or suffix to sentences

      1. Phrase used to denote that speaker thinks that the very obvious fact they're about to state is a profound epiphany: synonymous with "I'm about to make a very obvious statement." 

See what I mean? All language means something, even if it’s just a warning signal that you have engaged in an idiot in conversation.

       The worst of these however is “with all due respect”. Do you know what that means? That means “I’m going to insult you now. But you’re not allowed to complain, because I’ve showed due diligence in acknowledging that you should be respected as a colleague / human being”. I’m sorry, but ‘WADR’ is not some kind of magical barrier that means you can say whatever you want to me or somebody else. If you had any modicum of respect, you simply wouldn’t be saying what you’re about to say. You may as well just shout, “HEY EVERYBODY, I’M ABOUT TO BE A SCROTE OVER HERE” and then say whatever you were going to say. It’d have the same effect and at least then, people may give you some respect for being painfully honest about your own pitifulness.

       With no due respect, anyone who uses that phrase is a spineless git afraid of the repercussions of their own worthless opinion – they wouldn’t know what respect was if it married them, had a tumultuous one year relationship that, instead of ending in divorce, saw 'respect' run away with the kids one day whilst they were at work. Or something like that.

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