Some things in life serve only to induce rage. No matter how small these annoyances may be, they are never insignificant. 'Rant List' is the chronicle of one self-loathing narcissist's seemingly unending pettiness.

Saturday, 2 March 2013

90. The term "amazeballs"

^ Here is a picture of David Cameron saying "amazeballs" moments after he promised to hold an in / out EU referendum, the scrote.

       Sorry, what? “Amazeballs”? What does that mean? Is it the name of a new game show involving a maze and variety of footballs? Is it context specific? Can you only use it if you’re just witnessed some amazing spherical objects? Does it simply mean your balls are amazing? Have you ever noticed that everyone who uses this phrase is generally rather unbearable? Is this entire post going to be made up of rhetorical questions? Is this gimmick old yet?

       I’m all for coining nonsensical new terms that have no real meaning, but “amazeballs” seems to be a phrase constantly overused by that horrible brand of person who thinks they’re “fun” or just a little bit kooky. Of course, they’re not. They’re usually someone you utterly detest being around, but through some unfortunately regular turn of events are forced to be in their physical presence more times that you can manage. And as they keep uttering phrases like “amazeballs” whilst talking about the next episode of the god-awful BBC sitcom Miranda and drinking tea out of their “hilarious” “Keep calm and drink tea” mug, all you can think about is how great it would be if the whole room began to quake and a giant crack opened up under their feet and swallowed them whole, therefore relieving you of their presence forever.

       It’s not that the phrase “amazeballs” is stupid (although, it is 100% stupid and is about as witty as an episode of the aforementioned Miranda), but it’s used by such an abhorrent sect of people that its only real purpose is to allow you to immediately identify someone you should never speak to. However, the fact that It has made it in to Collins online dictionary is a very clear sign that humanity has peaked and we have been in steady decline for many years.

As an aside, if pushed to pinpoint when exactly humanity reached its zenith, I would wager it was probably around the time the song 'Top That' appeared in the film 'Teen Witch'. It's all been downhill since then.

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