Some things in life serve only to induce rage. No matter how small these annoyances may be, they are never insignificant. 'Rant List' is the chronicle of one self-loathing narcissist's seemingly unending pettiness.

Wednesday, 6 July 2011

70. People who take photos of their food

^ Promotional photos of McDonald's meals are such a visual, it physically hurts. It's like that music video where Nicola Roberts is attractive.

I love food, I do. If I wasn't so relentlessly paranoid about regressing to the state of an amorphous blob, I'd probably spend all day eating delicious things in vast quantities. I'd arrange a nonsensical banquet of fried chicken, pie, M&Ms and pizza and eat until my stomach started to burst at the seams and I would be required to visit a hospital. Glorious.

It is because of my fat-man love for food that I cannot understand people who photograph their meals. Maybe every once in a while, I could go with it. Maybe you've spent the last two hours slaving over a feast fit for a king and you wish to capture this achievement in photo form. You might have made a four layer sandwich that is bursting with different pork products and cheeses. Perhaps the mere sight of this food is so potent that you will forever taste the meal in your mouth from just looking at a photo of it. That's fine. That's a rare event and one that probably should be documented for posterity.

But I've seen people on Facebook dispassionately photograph all their meals. They'll go out somewhere and they have to take a photo of their sushi. They'll come back home and take a photo of whatever solidified bile they're ingesting next. They'll even upload the photo before they eat the food. Surely that's just inviting the meal to go cold before they get the chance to tuck in? What is the logic behind this? The best I can assume is it's an indirect form of bragging: "Oh, look at me eating pheasant stuffed with quail's eggs and caviar - I have such a wide palate!" or even "Haha guys, look at me - I'm eating four steaks because I'm so manly! Four! Get me!" It's narcissism through the photography of food. Just eat your charred mess and stop clogging up my Facebook feed with photographs of every non-event of a meal you ingest.

You are what you eat and you've presumably just chowed down on a massive chode.

...too graphic?

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