Some things in life serve only to induce rage. No matter how small these annoyances may be, they are never insignificant. 'Rant List' is the chronicle of one self-loathing narcissist's seemingly unending pettiness.

Thursday, 12 May 2011

68. That awkward moment when everyone joins Facebook groups starting with "that awkward moment when..."

^ I actually scribbled this on to my screen. In permanent marker. I regret nothing.

An introductory note: I seem to mention Facebook-related things on the List quite often. But rather than take a critical look at myself and finally admit that I spend far too much time on the internet, I've decided to whine about what I see other people doing online instead. Because I'm awesome.
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Everyone likes a good joke. I once heard a joke about modern music. I think it was called 'Black Eyed Peas'. I laughed for days and days after I heard it. And so, it is understandable that everyone clamours to "like" a funny group or page on Facebook when the opportunity to do so arises. However, as soon as one funny idea comes out, it is replicated ad nauseum until what was originally mildly amusing becomes hugely unfunny. The internet as a whole is a massive corrupter of a good thing, mindlessly repeating something special or hilarious over and over, in order to bask in the reflected glory of the original. However, each increasingly unoriginal and dull parody slowly chips away at the little bit of joy that original joke represented until all that is left is frustration and tired gags. One of the biggest joke graveyards online is Facebook because, let's face it, nearly everyone ever uses it.

Facebook is plagued with people who think they're hilarious. Who think that their unique take on the currently trending joke format is just that bit more hilarious than everyone else's. Who think that if they set up a group on Facebook called "That awkward moment when I made an unfunny joke", they will finally get a slew of e-validation through people joining it. Unfortunately, they will get that e-validation because everyone else is as mind-rottingly stupid as they are. Now, I love awkward humour. I'm all about that caustic mix of cringing and laughing when Larry David talks about Affirmative Action or Jez starts eating the burnt carcass of a dog. Hilarious. But very rarely are awkward moments even mentioned in Facebook groups. More often than not, they're just "wacky" and "random", like a mentally deficient horse attempting to write a cut-away gag in a recent episode of Family Guy. I'm sure the first handful of "That awkward moment..." groups might have been mildly amusing, but can we not just let a dull joke die a respectable death?

No? Okay then. My bad. Then can we at least try and prevent getting to the point where Facebook has destroyed every aspect of every funny joke ever and we are all left as cold husks devoid of being able to tell so much as a knock-knock joke without wanting to jam a pen in our eyes? Pretty please?

67. Unexpected items in the bagging area

^ The man with a mustache is blatantly thinking "Corr, I'd put an unexpected item in her bagging area." That's what all men with mustaches think.

The next time I get told by a machine that there is an unexpected item in the bagging area, I'm going to put a squirrel in the shopping bag, thus validating the whining machine's ill-voiced claims. Then I'll ask an attendant to come over and see what the matter is and hopefully we'll all have a good laugh at my light-hearted prank. That or I'll take a dump in it. It depends how resourceful / angry / fibrous I'm feeling on the day.