Some things in life serve only to induce rage. No matter how small these annoyances may be, they are never insignificant. 'Rant List' is the chronicle of one self-loathing narcissist's seemingly unending pettiness.

Thursday, 20 January 2011

46. Oasis' "Wonderwall"

^ From left to right: James Hetfield without gelling his hair, early 1960s George Harrison with drawn on sideburns, a disgruntled chestnut and relatively unknown comedian Tom Meeten. I went to the effort to include extra pictures simply because this entry isn't funny.

This slightly follows on from my entry on people with acoustic guitars, but I feel this is enough of a peeve to merit its own entry. I'm not bereft of ideas. Honestly. I'm just lazy.

I'm not going to lie, I'm not a fan of Oasis. As much as I make myself out to be some kind of musical authority who is open-minded and enjoys a bit of everything, Oasis are a band I will never get on board with. It's especially bad because I can't put my finger on it and articulate precisely why I think they're atrocious - they just are. However, there is one song of theirs that seems to offend my senses more than any of the others. Good ol' "Wonderwall".

I don't understand why everyone loves this song. It's repetitive, it's dull, it has one of those awful Gallagher boys badly crooning over it and more than anything, it seems to be the mantra of mindless idiots everywhere. It's more of an anthem for indie drones than "Come As You Are" is for spoilt angsty children. What makes this track especially infuriating is that whenever some drunken-jawed spoonknocker whips out an acoustic guitar in a social situation, "Wonderwall" is the go-to track to inflict upon the unsuspecting crowd.

And everyone knows the words. Everyone, that is, except yours truly. Why? Because it's about as mentally stimulating in the lyrics department as Anne Widdecombe is in the crotchular vicinity. I'm not saying that lyrics need to be deep to be enjoyable - for crying out loud, I listen to Poison.* But what about "Wonderwall" is so memorable in comparison to say "Knockin' On Heaven's Door" or "Here Comes The Sun"? Is it just a matter of relative age? No, because if that was the case, we'd presumably have James Blunt songs forced down our ears... oh wait.

In short, I can't fathom how "Wonderwall" has become so ubiquitous a song. As is probably clear, my reasons for disliking it are flimsy but it bothers me that people armed with guitars refuse to think outside the box and just go for this whiny lament written by an overgrown child. I'd rather you played the worst of Blur's material, at least Damon Albarn can write good songs. Or, you know, stop playing guitar and singing in social situations where all I want to do is enjoy myself.

*Poison are deep, man. To quote the appropriately titled "I Want Action"; "I'm a sucker for a pretty face. I don't care if she's leather or lace 'cause I'm just lookin' for a little kiss." (B. Michaels, 1986:2). Having said that, Bret sort of taints the song with "If I can't have her, I'll take her and make her" (1986:2). Ooh-er, that adds an extra subtext to 'Rock of Love'.

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