Some things in life serve only to induce rage. No matter how small these annoyances may be, they are never insignificant. 'Rant List' is the chronicle of one self-loathing narcissist's seemingly unending pettiness.

Saturday, 16 October 2010

30. The overuse and non-existent profundity of the phrase 'I am'

^ This picture is effectively self-definition for skid-marks on humanity.

I am my parents. I am my brother. I am the teacher who failed me. I am your best friend in primary school. I am the scar on my forehead. I am the collection of CDs adorning my shelf. I am your fellow man. I am your disgruntled post-man. I am everyone. I am sticking with you. I am what I am. I am everywhere. I am a camera. I am Iron Man. I am the winter of your discontent. I am the most important thing about parliament. I am Bootsy Collins. I am proud of my Parliament joke. I am appalling advertising campaigns. I am a man, not a disco ball. I'm the man. I am a robot sent from the future. I am incontinent. I am the internet. I am in your base, shooting your dudes. I am this blog. I am half human, half robot and half kangaroo. I am setting us up the bomb. I am the law. I am watching you whilst you sleep. I am Grover. I am so omniscient that if there were to be two omnisciences, I would be both of them. I am shipping up to Boston. I am a rock. I am because we are. I am eighteen. I am not okay (I promise). I am a vagabond. I am (I'm me). I am broken. I am the Hitcher. I am the hell outta here. I am the warlock. I am legend - out for blood.

I am wholly unable to define myself and realise who I am as a human being without a variety of soulless marketing campaigns nonsensically trying to define me through a mix of "touching" moments and terrible music. I am enraged by the lack of creativity in modern day advertising. I am hitting the keys on my keyboard really hard right now. I am going to need a new keyboard.



  2. I'd wager £3.50 that I'm not her.