Some things in life serve only to induce rage. No matter how small these annoyances may be, they are never insignificant. 'Rant List' is the chronicle of one self-loathing narcissist's seemingly unending pettiness.

Monday, 20 September 2010

25. People who don't get urinal etiquette

^ If I ever run a pub (very unlikely), this will adorn the male loos. Picture shamelessly stolen from somewhere on Google Image Search.

This is a problem that has plagued me for years and one I don’t think gets addressed properly in our repressed society. A male toilet typically consists of several urinals in which you can empty your bladder. Simple enough. If there are three urinals, you use either one on the furthest side. That way, should someone else enter, they will take the opposite side and there will be a polite one-urinal buffer zone between you two. Should someone else come in, they’ll take the empty spot and you’ll have to make do. That’s fine, that’s life. You deal.

But sometimes someone takes the centre spot when the sides haven’t been filled. You have a situation where there is no polite buffer zone and instead an uncomfortably close pissing session made worse by the mockingly empty urinal on the far side. I was once in an empty six urinal toilet (fancy, I know) and chose an innocuous spot on one side to drain the lizard. Someone else comes in and stands directly next to me, despite there being five more empty toilets. Right next to me. That’s just antagonistic. It’s like he wanted to challenge me to a urination contest. I don’t even know what that would entail but it sounds inappropriate. Needless to say, I got stage fright and had to pretend I was peeing until he left. Awkward.

And yes, I am this neurotic.

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