Some things in life serve only to induce rage. No matter how small these annoyances may be, they are never insignificant. 'Rant List' is the chronicle of one self-loathing narcissist's seemingly unending pettiness.

Saturday, 19 June 2010

12. The term "fat Coke"

^ I didn't want to visually advertise Coca Cola so instead I decided to use this vulgar image. Lovely.

Now, I'm no nutritionist. In fact, far from it - I have spent the last month sustaining myself on a caustic combination of Sam's Chicken and coffee, with my body becoming a doughy, jittery mess as a result. But in moderation, something like a simple can of Coke is utterly fine to consume. The fact that it's mildly unhealthy is, of course, a given, hence there being a "diet" version of it. I've no problem with people drinking Diet Coke, though. Sure, it tastes terrible and is unlikely to be much healthier than the original swill but I understand the need to delude yourself that you're being healthy.
But a "diet" version of something doesn't make the original "full fat". Coke isn't a coffee from Starbucks. The pervasive nature of American chain coffee shops has made every pretentious, trend-embroiled spanner think of all beverages in coffee terms. Coke has become some kind of dairy based product; you can get a mocha caffe Cokecuinno with frothy milk before you go to work because you live a glamorous, on-the-go life like those insufferable skin-bags of consumerism and sexual innuendo in Sex & The City. Your life isn't glamorous. Once you purchase your coffee / Coke / generic beverage, you'll go to work merely to be shouted at by your Neanderthal of a boss and the crushing embrace of reality will crack your soul's bones as you choke down your overly priced drink.
Plus, if regular old Coke is "full fat", shouldn't Diet Coke be "skinny"? Not only are you an idiot, you're inconsistent in your beverage reference terms. Just man up and drink your caramelised poison in its full glory.

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