Some things in life serve only to induce rage. No matter how small these annoyances may be, they are never insignificant. 'Rant List' is the chronicle of one self-loathing narcissist's seemingly unending pettiness.

Sunday, 18 April 2010

6. Awkward conversations with people you've deliberately lost contact with

^ The 'Awkward Turtle' can not save you in one-on-one situations. You just look like you have a some kind of hand coordination deficiency.

Sometimes it’s elating to run in to someone you haven’t seen for years. Positive feelings regarding your mutually enjoyed good times come flooding back and you suddenly feel comforted and at peace with this unexpected social contact. Then about two minutes in to the inane chatter, when the initial nostalgia unceremoniously crumbles, you become abundantly aware as to why you haven’t seen this person in several years – they’re a bintcopter. The awkward conversation that ensues is possibly one of the most painful verbal exchanges of anyone’s existence, only made worse by the inevitable and crushing statement of “We should really meet up for a drink / stay in touch”. No. No, we shouldn’t. There’s a reason we lost contact. I’ve only given you my real phone number because I’m worried that if I give you a fake one and you ring me on the spot to give me yours (like the socially desperate exasperation of life that you are), our current situation will become even more awkward. I can’t handle that level of awkward, please leave me alone.

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